to a little sister you havent been able to know for the past 12-13 years????

i am so freaking excited but so so nervous and i have no idea what to expect or have any clue what to say but she has a whole family she has yet to meet???

I AM FEELINGS

Havent talked to casper since midnight friday…not sure if hes okay or not and im really numb about it…mainly cause if i think about it too much i know ill have a shitty anxiety attack in front of customers/co workers at work :/ idk…im just on the edge of slipping up with self harm lately. Its hard to stay strong and be positive all the time but im just so unhappy with work and im too scared to quit and i really feel like a failure because its been over 3 years since i dropped out and i still havent gotten my GED :( not to mention my relationship is unhealthy and emotionally hurtful on both sides. Im just so weak right now and i just wish all my friends didnt live hundreds/thousands of miles away :((((

i wanna get casper a little something but idk what

HMMMMMMMMMMMM he loves ghostbusters, bulbasaur and pokemon in general, and martial arts, and the little android guy, and uhhhh idk. maybe i’ll draw him something nice?? i just…i have been really selfish with my money and i didn’t realsize it until recently cause it’s not something you really notice?? so i wanna try and start getting him little nice things cause i frackin love his cute little butt

i know im making more money and such

but its so not worth my happiness :/

probably going to start looking for another job in a few months. here’s to hoping things get better though.

my mom and i just took kouvu to the vet for his yearly rabies shot and for a checkup. the place we goto only charges 28 bucks for them both which is SUPER CHEAP. the doctor is so so nice and kind and when kouvu had his UTI they let us pay a few days later and they are just so sweet there and everyone loves kouvu and the doctor said kouvu has a pretty face ;3; the only thing we need to do for him now is get him shaved for the summer :D oh, and he is 14 pounds and needs to loose some weight pffft woops. but that should be easy to do and hopefully he will be healthier in no time~

he was such a good boy though eeeee PROUD CAT MOM

so i have a younger sister, well, half sister. she’s my dad’s but we haven’t gotten the chance to really know her.my dad and i knew from the moment she was born who she was, her mom knew too. but her mom didn’t tell her till a year or two ago that all this time, we were her family. i would baby sit her when she was little, she was so adorable and sweet and shy. 

i always wanted a younger sister and i finally had one, who didn’t even know who i really was to her. and when she did know, i wasn’t given the opportunity to get to know her.

well her and her mom came into my work one day and i broke down cause they asked for my number and i was so so happy that i was given the chance to get to be apart of my sister’s life. i called, but they never returned my calls.

well my dad saw them the other day and told them i was at a new store now.

today, my little sister came in, all smiles and asked for my number. shes so beautiful and all day ive looked at my phone in hopes she’ll text me. 

i feel like ive just gotten my hopes up again and i’m so mad at myself for not asking for her number.

i just want her to know how much i love her and for her to get to know the rest of her family.

i am having thoughts about chopping my hair all off.

i do this almost every year and i really dont want to but i still kinda do??

but ive missed having long hair and its not the length i want it yet so thats why im wanting to chop it off cause i need constant change with my looks otherwise i go crazy :ccc

just gonna start slowly buying wigs in case i do chop it all off.